When you see a tomboy in shredded jeans, huge headphones hanging around her neck, and her messy ponytail showing every sign of minimal to zero effort, what’s the first thought that comes to your mind? “She is hot!” – maybe. “I want to wife her up” – probably won’t crack your top ten. Instead of thinking about dating a tomboy, most men would rather challenge her to a round of pool. And there’s a good chance she will destroy you at it!
That’s the reality of tomboy girls, for the most part. Misunderstood and often overlooked when it comes to establishing romantic connections. So, if you are here to gather pointers on tomboy dating, our first tip would be to approach this romantic connection with a lot of compassion. What does that entail, you ask? We help you navigate the intricacies of dating a tomboy, with insights from counseling psychologist Dhriti Bhavsar (M.Sc, Clinical Psychology), who specializes in relationship, breakup, and LGBTQ counseling.
What Are Tomboy Girls Like?
You must already know that being a tomboy is not a person’s gender identity. It’s a way of life defined by the characteristic traits of an individual – how they act, talk, socialize, and dress up. Since these traits are perceived as essentially masculine, the girls who display them are labeled boyish. Because let’s face it, when has our society ever been able to handle ‘out of the box’?
Dhriti elaborates, “Gender roles play a huge role in the psyche of a tomboy girl. Usually, it manifests in the way of rebelling against strictly enforced gender norms. This shows up typically in girls whose families hold very rigid norms on how a girl should look and act, and often discourage, punish, or scold the tomboy girl for her boyish interests. This can make her double down on her tomboyish ways to keep doing the things she genuinely enjoys.
“Some reject femininity due to a lack of good female role models they can look up to. Kids grow to emulate the gender norms of the same-sex parent because they look up to the parent. Certain kids see how their mothers, sisters, and friends live through the restrictions, lack of freedom, and thankless responsibilities and decide they want none of that — and who can blame them!”
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Before we delve further into the nitty-gritty of dating a tomboy, here are some of the trademark qualities that most tomboys often adhere to:
- They are confident in their skin and abilities
- They are always one of the guys because that’s less drama
- They are adventurous with a go-getter attitude and speak straight from the shoulder
- Unlike other girls, they resent anything pink, a girly dress or high heels, and of course, makeup
- They are more into sports and beer than Hello Kitty and Chanel purses
- Valentine’s Day gifts, prom nights, marriage, parenting — chances are a tomboy won’t be into any of these
11 Perks Of Dating A Tomboy
Not every tomboy comes across as ‘appealing’ at first sight given that they lack the typical feminine elements that men have been conditioned to consider attractive. So, it all boils down to how much time you spend getting to know her. Because boy oh boy, once you do, there’s no turning back!
According to Dhriti, there are quite a few reasons why men find tomboys attractive. “You will have plenty of shared interests to bond over with. Tomboy girls are often good at taking up and dishing out challenges. Not to say that hyper-feminine women aren’t, but tomboys aren’t concerned with coming across as soft-spoken or sweet. She can take care of herself, and she’ll be good at fighting for herself and you too,” she says. Sounds fascinating? Let’s continue the discussion and talk about 11 perks of dating a tomboy:
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1. She gets ready super quick
You are about to go out to run some errands. Your girlfriend says, “Hey babe, I will be ready in five.” And guess what, she actually does! Isn’t that every guy’s dream? She won’t take half an hour to pick the perfect outfit and another half on makeup and accessories. Slip into a pair of jeans and a baggy shirt and she is all set. How can you not fall madly for this girl?
2. There is no pretense — she is what she is
Authenticity is part of the package with her. These women are so confident in their skin, doing their own thing, they have hardly a care for the world. She can step into a high-end restaurant in her regular clothes ignoring all the stares and still make an impression. Get this, she might just lick the foil of the brownie you got her if that’s what she likes. When you are with her, you get to see a 100% genuine person. Since she is not desperate for men’s validation, or anyone’s for that matter, she has nothing to hide.
3. She is low-maintenance
This may appeal to you if you are rather laid-back in your dating approach — not always up for putting in the effort. Tomboy girls don’t need a lot of looking after or pampering to feel content and happy in a relationship. No need to plan elaborate date nights or spend a fortune on expensive presents for her. Fix her with some ramen at home, put her favorite movie on, and keep a couple of video games handy, and she will have the best time.
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4. Loving girlfriend minus the drama
Oh, I am sure you men are all sick with the girlfriend drama. The other day, my friend Justin dropped by just to complain about his girl for an hour. (Talk about nagging, huh?) Apparently, Julia locked herself in her room and won’t come out, won’t even eat. Just as he was about to give up asking, “What’s wrong?”, she revealed that the previous night, she was upset after watching a movie and he didn’t offer her a comforting hug. We promise, your tomboy partner would never put you through such Justin-Julia dramas.
5. She can surprise you on the romance front
Perhaps, you think because she is a tomboy, she doesn’t know the first thing about romance. Well, hold your horses, my friend. She may not be a ‘roses and romantic dinners’ enthusiast. But she will spend days looking for the first edition of your favorite book and get a signed copy for your birthday. On date night, she might take you to the coziest nook in the city that she loves and bring a picnic basket of homemade sandwiches and beer. Now does it sound like you will miss out on romance when dating a tomboy? We didn’t think so.
6. Tomboys are hot – whenever they decide to bring it on
Don’t be fooled by her tomboy cap and Crocs. She can clean up real nice and when she does, you will have to pick up your jaw off the floor. Her rugged attitude mingled with the raw beauty is sure to fire up the floor. Just wait until she decides to bring her A-game on and you would want to watch her forever.
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7. No long, tedious hours of shopping
When you are with a tomboy, she won’t drag you to the Home Depot for a pot and then leave after three hours maxing out both of your credit cards. Dress shopping with her won’t be any more complicated than a short tour to Macy’s or Target. Rest assured, the shopping shenanigans aren’t at all extravagant or taxing with a tomboyish girl.
8. She understands you better
She might be a girl but she has a natural gift of connecting with men. A girly girl may get mad if you plan a boys’ night two weekends in a row or be furious if you forget your anniversary. But a tomboy has the rational capacity to understand a man’s perspective on things. She would understand the need for individual social circles even when you’re in a relationship and offer you ample space to breathe.
9. Her sense of humor is impeccable
To be more specific, her sense of humor is closer to that of a guy. Together you can share a good laugh at someone’s fake accent. She won’t be offended by the typical guy jokes. And the memes she sends you are next-level funny. Fair warning, she is the queen of sarcasm. She will tease you a lot but yes, she can also take a hit like a sport. So, to laugh and be laughed at, date a tomboy.
10. Watch or play — she is your ultimate sports buddy
Imagine this – the Rangers game is on tonight (and you absolutely can’t miss it) but you are supposed to hang out with your girlfriend. Now that’s a pickle! In any other scenario, we would suggest you keep your plans with your girl, check the scores on your phone, and leave it at that. But with a tomboy, this dilemma wouldn’t even exist. We bet she is also hesitating to tell you that she wants to catch the game too. Just talk and straighten things out with her. If anything, she will love you even more after this. We tell you, whether it’s watching sports or playing Minecraft, you won’t find a better companion than a tomboy girlfriend.
11. You get an amazing friend in her
These girls are super chill, humble, and easy to connect with. You can speak your mind without worrying about, “What if she thinks less of me?” Plus, she will be a hit among your guy friends. The way a tomboy can break the ice is uncanny. Before you know it, she will be a ‘bro’ and you will definitely have your friends’ blessings for dating this amazing girl.
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How To Attract A Tomboy — 5 Ways
Do men like tomboys? YES! A tomboyish girl can be a good friend, an even better companion to watch sports with. And men in general think tomboys are hot. But when it’s a matter of the heart, guys tend to hesitate before making a move. Sometimes they are intimidated by the girl’s confidence; sometimes they are unsure of her romantic inclinations because tomboys are usually not desperate for men to like them.
However, that doesn’t mean they’re not open to or interested in the possibility of a romantic connection taking root. A Quora user says, “As a tomboy, I like both feminine men and manly gentlemen. I like looking at beautiful things. I want a man that takes good care of himself and is self-aware. I like being reminded of my femininity but also learning how to do things better and with him.”
Dhriti says, “Chances are, she’s not used to people doing things for her or taking care of her. Showing some consideration can go a long way. Have a good sense of humor, don’t be afraid of poking fun at her but be ready to be made fun of later.” So, empathy and understanding — that’s what you need to attract a tomboy. Oh wait, we have a couple of more ideas to share:
- To grab a tomboy’s attention, you need to appreciate and admire her for exactly who she is. Tell her how cute she looks in that messy bun and her brother’s oversized hoodie!
- Bond with her before dropping the L-word. Given her interests are all about bikes, sports, hiking, rock music, or something to that effect, we are sure you won’t have to try too hard to find a common interest
- Make a note – nothing captivates a tomboy more than intellectual, engaging conversation
- Don’t change yourself to fit into her ‘boyfriend’ criteria. When you are all for her genuineness, you should present yourself in the same light too
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7 Tips For Dating A Tomboy Successfully
Responding to the question, “Do men like tomboys?”, Dhriti says, “What people find attractive is highly subjective and is based on many factors like personal tastes, past experiences, emotional connect, intellectual stimulation, and even genetics to some extent. Tomboys have their charms, and dating one takes a man who is secure in his skin.”
On that note, Dhriti shares a few insights from our readers who are trying to figure out how to treat their tomboy girlfriend right. “Your girl might have some things to learn and unlearn when it comes to gender roles and identity. Be patient with her, and become her safe space by not expecting her to be a certain way. She might also struggle to be transparent with her feelings. You may need to put in some work to foster open and honest communication, particularly about emotion. There’s something you should remember: vulnerability encourages vulnerability.” In addition to this, here are some tips you need to be mindful of to master the art of tomboy dating:
1. Remember she is not a damsel in distress
Unlike a girly girl, your tomboy girlfriend won’t jump around the house at the sight of a cockroach or ask you to come over to help fix her kitchen tap. She is brave and independent enough to tackle any minor or major inconvenience on her own. If you were hoping to swoop in as her knight in shining armor, you would be disappointed more often than you thought. Dhriti suggests you learn to recognize that her being strong-headed and self-reliant is not a challenge to your masculinity. It’s just who she is.
2. Don’t assume things for her
Just because most tomboys are into sports and gadgets, it’s a likely conjecture that she would want to watch the Super Bowls with you over some girly TV soap. And it would be mighty inaccurate of you to conclude something for her without so much of a conversation about her likes and dislikes. Being a tomboy doesn’t restrain her from taking a bubble bath and watching Gossip Girl. So, Dhriti suggests, “Keep an open mind and don’t shame her for her interests – masculine or feminine.”
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3. Don’t keep suggesting modifications in her demeanor
Be honest here. Didn’t you fall head over heels with her when she absolutely smashed you in that arcade game? You both hiked miles together in the rain, smeared in mud and the smell of the woods. You even went fishing together. You had all the pieces of the puzzle to see her in her entirety. Now that she is your girlfriend, you can’t ask her to switch to a feminine alter-ego. Remember, you cannot build a long-term relationship unless you both show up in your genuine persona.
4. Nurture her competitive nature
Competitive is the middle name of almost every tomboy girl. From beating your high score in Mario Kart to doing more push-ups than you in the gym, she will always keep you on your toes. When you are dating a tomboy, remind yourself to take these challenges in a constructive light. At the end of the day, you are on the same team and you can’t let these silly trials take an upper hand on your relationship.
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5. Accept the fact that she just gets along well with guys
If you are in a relationship with a tomboy or thinking of getting into one, you have to keep a rein on your jealous streak. There will inevitably be other guys around her as tomboy girls are seen hanging out with their guy friends more often. If you get jealous or ask her to cut ties with a good friend, you are forcing her to become a person she is not. So, the trick here is to befriend her gang and be a part of their conversations. You will see there is nothing to be threatened of.
6. Treat her the way you would have treated a girly girl on a date
A tomboy is still a girl at the core and won’t mind being treated like a queen. She won’t fight the idea of a candlelight dinner or getting each other flowers once in a while. In fact, you can go that extra mile and make a grand romantic gesture to sweep her off her feet. Although, we must warn you, don’t make a show out of it in front of her friends or colleagues or you will never hear the end of it.
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7. Try to understand her love language
Romantic lovey-dovey words, hugs, and kisses don’t come easy to tomboy girls. So, we expect you to pay closer attention to her countenance and actions. You will see love in her eyes even if she doesn’t express it in so many words. She may not make cute scrapbooks with your pictures but she will fix your broken computer for you or rearrange your records by genre. You just need to be receptive because she speaks the language of ‘acts of service’ when showing her love for you.
Key Pointers
- Tomboy girls are devoid of all the usual girly drama and the chase for the perfect outfit and makeup
- One of the perks of dating a tomboy is that they are low maintenance, easier to make happy, and content
- You don’t need to spend hours waiting for her to get ready or holding shopping bags outside the changing room
- Tomboys have similar interests and sense of humor to that of a man
- She is capable of understanding your guy issues like no one else which makes her a good friend and an amazing girlfriend
Congratulations, now you know the whole nine yards of dating a tomboy. Before we part, here’s a pro tip: if you have a crush on that pixie girl in your class who barely knows your existence, don’t give up before you try. Make your way through her life, and give her and yourself a chance to know each other. With the universe in your corner, she won’t be able to resist your charm and all your efforts. Once she does, the ball comes back to your court. And you know well how to make that girl feel seen, loved, and appreciated.
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