The Do’s and Don’ts I Always Follow

Regardless of whether you text, or use a dedicated messaging app such as iMessage or WhatsApp, there are certain rules you should follow. Unfortunately, not everyone seems to have gotten the memo listing the fundamental messaging etiquette everyone should know. So here, to help you out, are 11 dos and don’ts I always adhere to…

1 Avoid Shatner Messaging (A Series of Short Messages)

While you may not be familiar with the term “Shatner messaging,” you will likely be familiar with what it refers to. This is, simply, a series of short messages sent quickly when one longer message would have sufficed. The worst offenders may even send one word at a time for dramatic effect, creating endless notifications on your phone.

The name references the way William Shatner of Star Trek fame speaks. He has a tendency to add pauses between words and that matches the style of messaging being used here. Whatever you choose to call it, please stop doing it.

2 Never Write Long Essays Without a Pause

In direct converse to Shatner messaging, some people write long essays as messages, and that’s just as unnecessary. Even if you have a major point to make to someone, take pity on their soul by not sending them a long, rambling message that covers multiple subjects all at once.

Instead, focus on one subject, and send the message. Then allow them to respond before moving onto a different subject. If you imagine how this would feel in a real-world conversation rather than an online message, you can easily see how inappropriate and unnecessary it is.

3 If You Read a Message, Always Acknowledge It

We all have that one friend who lets a conversation on a messaging app run out without acknowledging that it’s ending. And we all know that it is rude. You should always acknowledge a message in some way, even if it’s just a tick or thumbs-up emoji. It lets the other person know you’ve seen it and are ready to move on.

Why is this rude? Well, imagine you were talking to someone face-to-face, and they just walked off without bringing the conversation to a conclusion in any way. You would be annoyed, and rightly so. And we need to employ the same basic level of politeness in our online interactions too. We should even be polite to AI chatbots!

4 Don’t Nag Someone to Reply to You Quickly

While it’s tempting to metaphorically poke someone when they haven’t replied to a message immediately, it’s also rude. They may be busy, so unless you know that they’re online and available, give them the benefit of the doubt.

However, there is a limit to this. As already mentioned, it is rude to completely ignore someone’s message, so if they haven’t replied or acknowledged it in some other way, say 24 hours later, you’re well within your rights to send a follow-up message.

5 Be Aware of the Time You’re Messaging Someone

With the planet now interconnected like never before, you will likely have family and friends located all over the world. And messaging allows you to communicate with them freely and easily like never before. But you need to be aware of the different time zones that exist.

I work with a lot of Americans, and they know not to message me during the evening their time, as it would be the early hours of the morning for me here in the UK. While most people use Do Not Disturb to stop this from being an issue, you should also be aware of what time (in their timezone) you’re messaging someone.

6 Remember Who It Is That You’re Messaging

It’s often easy to forget that different recipients require different types of messages. For example, I speak very differently in family WhatsApp groups than I do in groups containing similarly-aged and similarly-minded friends. Because what you say and how you say it should differ between different sets of people.

As well as talking differently to friends than you do to family, you should also soften your tone in conversations with work colleagues or your boss. They may not appreciate the risqué picture you meant to send to your significant other, or the joke you meant to send to your friends.

7 Never Send Anything Inappropriate Via a Message

Even if you think the recipient will appreciate what you’re sending, you should always think twice before sending anything inappropriate. This can range from the aforementioned risqué pictures and edgy jokes to anything containing personal or sensitive information.

I would even urge caution when badmouthing one friend to another, as messages can be screenshotted and used against you. Screenshots can also accidentally dox you, but that’s another issue entirely. Friends come and go, and if you have messaged the wrong thing to a friend you then fall out with, that wrong thing could be used against you.

8 Use Emojis Sparingly (and Appropriately)

For many of us, emojis have become the default way to react to things we see online, including messages. And that’s absolutely fine. I love them as much as the next person, as they give us all a shortcut way of acknowledging something.

However, you can use emojis too often, and if you do so, not only do they lose their impact, you’ll start to look lazy and uncaring. Emojis (such as a thumbs-up or a laughing face) are good when a message doesn’t justify an actual response, but not when you’re asked a direct question or speaking about something serious.

9 Always Use Proper Spelling and Grammar

This messaging rule likely won’t go down with younger generations, many of whom see proper spelling and grammar as entirely optional demands. But I think everyone should at least strive to spell words correctly, and place commas where (and only where) they need to be placed in all forms of written communication.

All the way back in 2012, I wrote an article about why typos always matter, even in text messages. And while the world has moved on a lot since then, with messaging apps taking over from SMS text messages, I still believe my point remains valid.

10 Never Assume That Everyone Knows Text Slang

Acronyms are commonly used when messaging people, mainly because SMS text messages have a certain number of characters, meaning any opportunity to reduce the number of characters used was useful. But not everyone knows every acronym out there.

Generally speaking, the older you are, the worse this problem becomes. New acronyms and shorthand are being invented all the time, with many making it into the dictionary. But any that don’t pass into the mainstream can be confusing to the rest of the population. So try to use full words when possible, even if it takes longer to write out.

11 Never Message Someone When You’re Tired or Inebriated

You should never, ever message anyone when you’re tired or inebriated. Essentially, if your rational mind is unlikely to be working at full capacity for any reason whatsoever, you should bar yourself from messaging people. Even if that means locking your phone away somewhere inaccessible.

Why? Because you may have lost that instinct not to offend, and/or lost your inhibitions. This means you may end up messaging that ex-girlfriend you think about occasionally, or end up sending the wrong message to the wrong person.

These are a few of the rules to keep in mind when messaging others. Not only will they make sure that you don’t come across as rude, but they also could prevent you from landing in awkward situations.